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Everything about this person is about control, actually.There are a lot of strategies that an abusive partner uses in order to control their partners aside from physical violence — verbal abuse, isolation, controlling the finances, reproductive coercion, sabotaging birth control so a partner gets pregnant and he's saying she has to stay home with the baby. In the 18 years I've been doing this, I've never worked with a victim who said it was only one time." Twitter answered back with #Why IStayed and #Why ILeft, in which survivors shared their stories of why they remained in abusive relationships and why they eventually got out.
"We live in an age where there's so much technology and so much access to media that we're able to hear those stories of the husband who killed his wife and kids.
I wish people could put themselves in that situation: If I had to all of a sudden leave my husband, where am I going to go? Or be relocated but all your family and everything you know and your kids' school is in your old neighborhood?
People say she could go here and she could do that, but I wish they would think, Would it be so easy for me to do that? There's no good reason for a victim not to call the police. But many hesitate because they don't want their partner to go to jail, or because they fear calling may escalate the violence, or because they don't trust that the police won't themselves act violently — a legitimate fear, especially in communities of color and for LGBT victims of violence.
"[An abusive partner] is probably not abusive at every moment of the day," Kaminsky says.
"There's a tendency in domestic violence to look at the victims as an 'other.' We've all been in relationships that are good, and we've all been in relationships that are bad, and you might have a friend who says, 'He's a jerk,' but he's not a jerk to you all the time.